A life without love in it is like a heap of cold ashes in a hearth, the fire dead, all warmth and laughter gone, and no more light.

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All of us will meet our end one day
. Some sooner than others. It's not exactly an uplifting thought to dwell upon but at one point or the other, we are confronted by our own mortality. Sometimes a very melodramatic scene in a movie of a dying or dead character can bring forth this utter feeling of sadness... and maybe fear. In my particular line of work, I can't help but ask myself some very curious and to some, "morbid" questions.
First, let's look up the definition of the word
. Death is defined as end of being alive: the ending of all vital functions or processes in an organism or cell. Hmmm... A very matter of fact definition but the word in itself evokes a whole gamut of emotions to a lot of people. Some have their individual reasons and experiences to feel a certain way but for some, it's a virgin territory that no one wants to venture into.
How and when death will come knocking on our door might be something some people would like to know just so that they can cheat the grim reaper, much like in sci-fi time travel stories. To those who unwillingly gained that knowledge may use the information in their own varied or precise ways. For the terminally ill patients who were given the "talk" by their doctors about their poor prognosis and "time left", it could seem like a death sentence hanging over their head, pervading all waking and unconscious thoughts, paving a path to depression. For some, these facts might become opportunities for them to straighten out their unfinished business ( Last Will and Testament, reconciliations, vacations) and prepare themselves for that event. Quite a daunting task but once accomplished could make the experience an entirely significant and peaceful transition.
I've seen this countless times, only the names and faces are different. Death can bring out the best and the worst in people. It can unite or tear a family apart
. It can rouse up the green-eyed monster or expose a bleeding heart. It can inspire loyalty or may cause abandonment.
One patient (Mr. Adam*) in the past shared to me his feelings of regret that he will never get to see his grandchildren and that they will never get to know him, the cool "biker" grandpa
.This lament particularly tugged at my heartstrings since it always make me sad that my father didn't live long enough to see my offsprings (none so far)
. So, after listening to Mr. Adam, I made a suggestion that perhaps he can ask his kids to help him create a scrapbook
about his life so that one day, his granchildren might be able to browse it and have a sense of what sort of a person he was. Another idea that was tossed around is a DVD/video
documenting his living out his last days with his family and friends. He was expressly appreciative of the suggestions and resolved on making them a reality once he gets home.
I was glad to see that spark of interest and enthusiasm in his eyes. I'm sure there'll be crummy days ahead of him but hopefully, he will stay on course and finish this one mission.
* not his real name
Hi Rose, thanks for stopping by my place. I was glad to hear from you. I find your post very appropriate for me right now. Prior to going on vacation w/my family, I went to Hawaii for my uncles funeral. I also went to see my Ama (my grandfather) who is now 86 years old. He is the first person to come to the USA in our family. Without him braving the ship to come to the USA and later petitioning my father, I would not have been here to meet my husband. It pains me to see him aging so fast and the pain he feels in his legs due to arthritis and what I perceive as his feelings of loneliness. Although I invite him to live with us all the time, he does not want to come to the mainland. I asked him his mothers, fathers, grandparents, etc names so I can document every thing. My MIL is into geneology and has so many interesting facts she put in a book about her family for my kids t see. Tracing ancestors in the PI is not as easy. It's sad to think that after I am gone, my kids kids kids kids (haha) will never know me. So your suggestion to your patient in creating documentation of some sort of his life is excellent. I am happy to hear you are a kind and caring nurse. Although you are stressed at times, please stay as kind as you are. My mom when she was in the hospital dying, one rude filipina nurse said to me "if you want one on one care for your Mom, take her to a privat hospital". As nurses, you have to look beyond the person and see their despiration because their loved one is dying. At times like that, caregivers have more influence than they even realize. I'm sure you made a big difference to your patient. Take care & thanks for sharing..
Merry Christmas