Last weekend had been pretty rough for me. I got into one of my dark moods again when nothing seemed to please or appease me and when I felt determined to be miserable and drag everybody (meaning Kenny) down with me as well. Maybe I can chalk it up to a bad case of PMS and get over it eventually but I know it was something else that's just lurking and threatening to overcome my fragile state of mind. I didn't want to acknowledge it but as the days rolled on, I have to confront the inevitable. It's March 28th once again.    

Today marked the fourth year since my father's untimely departure from the world of the living. The reality of his death has eased up somewhat but whenever his birthday (October 2) and death anniversary comes around, the floodgates of grief burst open and the rush of sadness runs over me, creating havoc to my emotions.  As much as I try not to make too much of a big deal about it, I can't deny that its effects has successfully permeated my existence and took a toll on my relationship with my husband. Poor guy!  He must have felt like he's walking on eggshells for the past few days and ready to be pushed off the edge at anytime. After a tumultuous confrontation, I'm finally coming to my senses and taking things in stride until this day arrived.

Today, as I was trying to upload some new songs for my radio blog, I came across one that always makes me think about my father. It's a song from Coldplay called "Fix You". The first time I listened to it while driving on my way to work, I didn't even notice the tears rolling down my face as the haunting melody and heartfelt lyrics pierced through my whole being.  I was such a mess that night, I think . I found out later that the lead vocalist of the group, Chris Martin, wrote that song for his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, who suffered depression due to the death of her father, Bruce Paltrow in October 3, 2002.

I suppose anyone out there who have gone through a loss of a loved one and who might still be dealing with the grief can identify with what I'm going through. I just want to share the song with you all and I hope that it will bring you comfort and solace as well.

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you