My work load had been pretty heavy and hectic for the past two weeks and every day off I had were mostly spent catching up on my much needed sleep and relaxation. Housework and numerous miscellaneous errands are pretty much on the back burner at this point. As the to-do list grows, the more I'm inclined to procrastinate. Then, when Kenny had a knee surgery last week, he was immobilized for a few days and was pretty much limited in his activities. I didn't mind helping him out but I can't help feeling a bit overwhelmed and secretly wished that we have an extra pair of hands to help us out. As much as I claim to have a fierce sense of independence and industry, I found myself longing for the reprieve a househelp can provide in these arduous circumstances. Even if for just a day or two, I'm sure it will make a mammoth improvement in our quality of life.  Okay, I might be amplifying my point here but you get the drift, right?

As I contemplated on the benefits to be gained if we are privileged enough to hire a housemaid, it dawned unto me that it will not really work in the grand scheme of things. First of all, it truly makes me ill at ease whenever someone is sort of at my beck and call and have to cater to my needs and whims. Although I appreciate being occasionally pampered at spas or salons, I get this weird feeling that I'm making someone feel subservient towards me. It just goes against my ideals of equality and altruism. Instead of taking advantage of the services as a paying consumer, I ended up feeling guilty, like I exploited someone for my own selfish reasons. It's an all-too-familiar feeling as I am sometimes on the receiving end of this treatment.

In my line of work, it is ungratifying when people don't seem to care even if you are breaking your back and running around like a headless chicken while trying to provide the best care you could possibly give.  It's demoralizing at times when patients and their families treat you like a glorified help. There's nothing much you can do but bite your tongue even when your patience is running thin and your restraint is stretched to its limit. I guess this is why I have so much empathy for the hired help and recognize how undervalued they are in our Philippine society. 

The househelp has always been a part of a Filipino's life, as far back as existing historical records can take us. One of my first and earliest memory was of a brother (Ramon) and a sister (Linda) who used to live with my grandmother. They were not blood relatives but were taken in by my Grandma due to their parents' inability to provide for them. They were clothed, fed and sent to the public school just like any other kids in the neighborhood but I was distinctly aware that they were different from me. I wasn't expected to do any chores whereas they each have their own assigned household duties. They received very minimal allowance and rarely received anything new or nice. I didn't think they were abused or mistreated but I doubt if they received warmth and affection from my Grandma or from anyone. They played and lived with us but there was this invisible line that separated them from me and my siblings. Whenever I felt rebellious and ungrateful towards my parents, I reminded myself that I was indeed lucky not to be in the same servile position that Kuya Ramon and Linda were in.

In its original context, the Tagalog word for servant means helper (katulong). Today, the househelp is referred to as a maid (in vulgar appellation, atsay); the masters of the house in turn are "ma'am" and "sir". Traditionally, it used to be a practice of tenant farmers to offer their young daughters or boys as servants to their landlords to whom they had incurred large debts, as a means of working off some of the payment. Even without debts, some will solicit househelp positions for their children with the understanding that they will be sent to school. The traditional practice was also for the househelp to work and send money back to their family; it was the role of a good daughter or son. In some circumstances, the househelp would serve a household for years, even for life. These days, the maid sees her job as transitory, a stepping stone towards a job as a salesgirl, or waitress or until she marries and start a family of her own. Those who are truly ambitious and diligent might even achieve a high school or college education and will go on to become triumphant in their endeavors. I'm sure you know of a few success stories yourself.

When I last visited my family in the Philippines, I was amazed at how dependent they seem to be on their "helpers" (two teenage girls). It also irked me to no end when I observed my young nephews and nieces asked their maid or yaya ( nanny) for something inane as a glass of water which they can easily get themselves. It made me cringe when any of the able-bodied adults displayed the same type of behavior. Maybe because I've been independent and self-reliant for so long that I just couldn't tolerate such antics anymore. My sister and her family have plans to relocate to the US in the future    so I advised them to get used to a life without a househelp or they're going to find life in the US very grueling.

I don't believe that my family discriminates against the househelp. My parents were quite generous and a lot of our previous maids were treated more like family. Therefore, it was a bit unsettling to me when I noticed that the current helpers would eat their meals only after we did. At one point, I invited them to join us at the table for dinner and they just profusely declined, seemingly embarrassed by the gesture. The idea that they might have felt undeserving to share a meal with us saddened me. I just hope that during my brief stay, I was able to show that not everyone thinks of them as inferior members of the society.

 Filipinos often lament about their financial hardships in the Philippines. They claim that people abroad are more fortunate and have a better lifestyle. Yet, I find it ironic that they are the ones who have maids, nannies, cooks, drivers and gardeners. In contrast, we expatriates have to prepare our own meals, drive ourselves to work, and put in extra hours or work on part-time jobs so we can send some money home. On top of that, we have to do our own housekeeping and laundry and then pay the bills as well.  

Excuse me if I'm being such a curmudgeon about this. I don't deny that being in a "greener pasture" has provided a lot of us opportunities that otherwise might not be available back in our home country. Being here enables us to be self-sufficient, unfettered by the social limitations as long as we are willing to toil in the trenches. It's not uncommon that a Filipino teacher might find herself in similar employment with a former SM salesclerk. Anyone can have a fresh start here. It can be an even playing field for both masters and servants. Don't forget to play nice, okay?